Comments and discussions online are rarely the epitome of civility. Trolls and insults seem to be the norm. Especially when it comes to so-call ‘difficult’ subjects – subjects that are emotionally and morally charg -, where positions differ widely and where there are no obvious, simple solutions. The current Syrian refugees are such a ‘difficult’ subject. These subjects are already difficult in real life, but online they are even more difficult, because we have to do without encouraging or uganda phone number library relativizing non-verbal communication. That is why I ask myself in the context of the
Step one
The first step to a discussion
about a difficult topic starts with ourselves. Precisely because of the moral and emotional charge, it is easy to get stress by comments from others, or to feel insult or wrong. As a result, before we realize it, we also start throwing mud. Therefore, it is advisable that we increase our ability to take feback, before we jump into a discussion or start a discussion about a ‘difficult’ topic.
We are most likely to become defensive and unconsciously aggressive when we feel that our belgium numbers honor or good name is being attack. But in reality, we are rarely attack in our honor or good name in an online discussion. Rather, we feel attack in our deepest ‘I’; in who we are.
Identity labels
Douglas Stone and Sheila
Heen explain this in their research ‘Thanks for the feback’ . According to them, we use what is email spam and how to avoid becoming a spammer labels to describe ourselves. They call these identity labels. These labels are often simple, such as: “I am smart” or “I am an expert in this area.” The more tightly these labels are defin, and the less doubt is attach to them, the more these labels take on the character of all-or-nothing truths. As long as that goes well, in other words; as long as others confirm that we are smart or an expert, then it is ‘everything’ and it goes well. But as soon as others doubt our smartness or expertise, it is immiately ‘nothing’ and we feel attack in who we are. The result is a fight for life and death.